Adult Bullying

Bullying hits it’s peak in preadolescence when kids develope at different rates, hormones kick in and social skills and defences are not yet developed. The effects can be deep and lasting. So what residuals remain in adults?
Children who are bullied often suffer self esteem damage and are likely to have trouble asserting themselves as adults. Some “identify with the aggressor” and become bullies themselves. More common still is the tendency to be overly cautious in social settings or lack appropriate assertiveness. Marital and family relationships mirror these trends and can be lifelong. Anything that keeps you from being a true peer with your partner is potentially harmful to the relationship. Socially, just remember the last time you were excluded from a club or passed over at work and you can remember what this feels like.
The advantage of being an adult is that you can use your mind to withdraw and examine any situation. Remember, there are no conscipts in adult relationships, only volunteers. This is true for families and marriages, but requires the most effort. Understanding why you are not acting as an equal is the first step followed by conscious efforts to interact differently. If the conflict or old wound is too deep, therapy is needed. A good boundary with work and society as a whole helps with external rejections, but life is a contact sport and not without bruises. What we can control is our reaction, starting with understanding our own feelings and being mindful of our interactions with others. Changing those thoughts feelings and behaviors takes time and effort, but can be done. Only you can undo your damage!