Many people find themselves in an abusive relationship as an adult. The basis of this can be purely psychological, but is often practical, and most commonly represents a compromise to protect innocent third parties, namely children. The first question the person always asks is, “How did this happen to me?”
If you grew up with abuse or with a damaged sense of self, an abusive relationship will come naturally. It’s not that you ask for this, but your natural screens and barriers just are not there. By the time there are several kids and limited career choices, the options drop. It is common for the abused party to keep expressing love to the abuser and “wishing” he (or she!) would change. Is leaving the only answer?
I’ve actually worked with hundreds of couples in this situation and, yes, for many, divorce is the best solution. Surprisingly, many couples can preserve their marriage and family, but with a great deal of work. Both parties must address their role in this relationship. The abused party must do in depth work to resolve the childhood damage that allowed this to happen in the first place. The abuser must want a true equal marital partner. If this can’t happen, the family must break up. As painful as this is for kids, it’s better than growing up in an abusive household. Hopefully, this is a powerful motivater for both parties.
What you vantage do is endure and hope it changes on it’s own. It will not! This is the best reason to seek help.
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