The recent deaths of Whitney Houston and Michael Jackson are public, painful tragedies with many issues about the nature of addiction and the need for personal responsibility. It also brings up the role of the family in an obviously addicted and at risk individual. We are all individuals and free agents in life, but no one is an island, and our families effect our attitudes and behaviors. This is most true in addictions as every alcoholic or addict is surrounded by enablers. This happens in most dramatically in celebrity families.
So what is an enabler? Do they want their family member to use?! Almost always, no, but there are conflicting factors that keep them from doing all they can to help their loved one get treatment. These are both emotional and practical. In wealthy, powerful people, it’s usually both. You cannot afford for this person to be upset with you, so you do what they want and don’t point out the obvious. Howard Hughes was once one of the wealthiest men on earth, but died a bizarre recluse because he surrounded himself with enablers who feed his addiction. He would have fired them if they didn’t do as he said. Celebrities who create large sum of money and give them out on whim find themselves only with enablers.
What do you do if your family member uses? The same as you would if they had cancer.(the survival rates are the same). Tell them you love and care for them and don’t want them to die. Encourage them to get treatment. Consider a family intervention if they resist. Make sure you are not benefiting emotionally or finically from their illness. At the end of the day, they are the one with the illness, but you will want to know you have done all you could have done to prevent their death. To love someone, you often have to tell them things they don’t want to hear. It is the ultimate act of love, even if done at personal cost.
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