A recent Time magazine cover features an older toddler nursing, reminding us all of our need to increase our public tolerance of this normal behavior. The issue, however, is the child’s age. When do you stop? A “new” movement pushes for extended nursing and a “family bed”, and states Dr. Spock was way to harsh in seperating mother amd child too soon. I actually heard a presentation by a psychiatrist in the 70’s stating that the codling encouraged by Dr. Spoke was responsible for the social unrest by the teenagers at the time! So what is the argument here?

All infants need a solid, loving connection with their mother and family as a foundation to their sense of self and ability to self nurture. Without this, it is difficult to self soothe or ever attach to another person as an adult. Autonomy comes as a child seperates from it’s mother and becomes an independent person. This process occurs from birth, but it is hoped to be achieved between 3 to 5 years of age. Age appropriate parenting always addresses where a child is developmentally as not to hold back autonomous functioning. You can nurture without nursing or sleeping with older children. And, why ever give up nursing anyway? Because a rib eye steak tastes better! The pleasures of life require you leave home as a complete independent person. The old time frames of parenting still work.

I agree many children lack basic unconditional love in their households. You can give this without regressive pulls which may keep them from leaving home successfully. This is still the goal of every child in every family!